Here’s some of my scripts that died before they ever made it to the big screen. Reincarnated on your little screens!

First, a manifesto spot I wrote for a Casper Mattress pitch. We had 72 hours from start to finish to work on the pitch (I can work under pressure!).

Open on an aerial view of a couple sitting awake in bed. He’s clicking the remote. She’s scrolling through her Instagram feed. The camera starts to pan, traveling overhead across many bedrooms, where all kinds of couples are in their bedrooms doing chores, reading, watching tv, doing work, on their phones…

We need to talk. You know, about it.

Yes, it.

Oh, c’mon it’s a completely healthy, natural part of life.

Everyone’s done it at some point or another. Even your parents.

People have done it on the subway… at school…

I’ve even seen people doing it at work.

I mean, we used to do it all the time.

When we were younger, we could it for hours.

But for whatever, reason, we’re just not doing it anymore. And that’s a problem.

Because when we don’t do it, we get frustrated and cranky

And we can’t think of anything else. And we don’t get anything done.

And then we die.

That’s right, no matter what anyone tries to tell you.

If you go too long without doing it, you will die.

So why have we stopped doing it? It’s not like we don’t want to do it.

If we’re being honest, most of us probably wish we were doing it right now.

But we get busy at work, and we stop doing it. We get married, and we stop doing it.

We have babies, and we really stop doing it.

I’m too stressed, I have a headache, I just have too much to do.

Well I’m tired of all the excuses.

We shouldn’t need the TV on in the background to be able to do it!

We shouldn’t need pills or a scotch on the rocks to be able to do it!

It doesn’t matter if you do it by yourself. Or with someone else.

Or on your back or your side or you stomach.

As long as you’re doing it and doing it every single night.

So let’s kick off our shoes.

Take off our clothes.

Turn out the lights.

And let’s get back to sleep.

Next we have a spot from a TV campaign I wrote for a HomeAway pitch. The concept is this: "Your vacation days are numbered. Make them perfect."

You only have a finite number of vacation days left to live, and Homeaway helps you yolo (sorry) those precious vacation days. Nothing sells vacation rentals like reminding people of their own mortality!

Open on a man packing up the family car with suitcases. His wife is helping his two daughters into the car.

I don't have much time left on earth.

CUT TO the man driving the car. He looks over and smiles at his wife, then back towards his daughters.

My days are numbered, and there's still so much I want to do here before it's time for me to go.

CUT TO man standing in a beach house, with sliding glass doors open, looking out at the ocean.

I want to see the ocean with unobstructed views.

He walks out on the beach towards his wife and daughters playing in the sand.

I want to walk out my back door and feel the sand under my feet.

CUT TO the man walking out of a ranch house into a sprawling yard. His dog runs up to him with a toy, and plays tug-of-war.

I want to play fetch in the yard with my best friend.

CUT TO the man and his wife sitting in rocking chairs on the porch of a cabin overlooking the mountains

I want to sit on the porch next to the woman I love, and take in the mountain air.

CUT TO the man and his two daughters laying out in the yard of a desert property looking up at the stars.

I want to look up at the stars with my daughters, point to the brightest one, and let them know that soon I'lll be there looking down on them.

CUT TO a semi-close up of the man hugging his wife and two daughters. They're having a heartfelt goodbye.

I just want to spend what little time I have left here on earth with the people I love, in all of the most beautiful places on this planet.

PULL OUT to reveal that the father is wearing an astronaut suit, and they are all standing on a tarmac at the base of a rocket he is about to board.

Because, honestly, outer space just doesn't compare.

CUT TO waist up shot of man staring towards camera, riding the elevator up to the rocket's bridge. He walks across bridge towards entrance to rocket ship.

CUT TO close up of the top half of the man's body strapped inside a rocket as the rocket is taking off.

CUT TO the camera pulling out on a shot of earth from outer space.

Astronaut slowly floats by as camera continues to pull out to wide shot of outer space.

Capri Sun wanted a series of of videos that captured joy and essence of childhood and highlighted the claim that they are "kid's #1 favorite juice drink." Who better to portray kids being kids than kids? You know, the baby goat kind.

For the Kids (:15) –

Open on a mom checking out at the grocery store. She’s putting tons and tons of boxes of Capri Sun going down the conveyor belt. And has even more piled in her cart. The cashier looks at her weirdly as if to question why she has so many boxes of Capri Sun.

MOM: Oh, no, no… it’s not for me.

The checkout lady still looks really weirded out by Capri Sun Mom

MOM: It’s for the kids.

CUT TO a wide shot of Capri Sun Mom at the cash register with a huge herd of baby goats all around her dressed up as little kids. They’re running wild causing a ruckus in the store.

SUPER: Capri Sun logo

SUPER: Kids' #1 favorite juice.

Listen Up, Kids (:15) –

Close up shot of a Mom talking to camera

MOM: If you want kids to listen, you’ve got to speak their language

CUT TO wide shot of mom standing in the middle of a huge herd of baby goats. She raises their hands and stretches them out with a Capri Sun in each one.

MOM: *Makes a loud, glorious goat-bleating-esque noise* CAPRRRIIIIIIII SUN

HERD OF BABY GOATS: *bleat loudly all together in response*

SUPER: Capri Sun logo

SUPER: Kids' #1 favorite juice.

The Best Kids (:15) –

INT. A family room.

3 kids are sitting on a couch with mom. They’re all wearing “adorable” matching outfits.

Mom struggles to talk because the goats are climbing all over her.

MOM: My kids are the best, and I want what’s best for them.

So I give them Capri Sun. It’s 100% real ju-

*MOM IS INTERRUPTED BY ONE OF THE GOATS BLEATING LOUDLY*

MOM: 100% real juice with

One of the goats is taking bites out of the couch. Mom suddenly turns to that goat and yells

MOM: NO!!!

MOM: no added sugar or preservatives.

The kids are jumping and climbing all over the furniture, knocking stuff over. Mom turns back to camera and smiles while holding a Capri Sun. The kids are still running around crazy.

SUPER: Capri Sun logo

SUPER: Kids' #1 favorite juice.

#1 Kid (:06) -

A mom and a baby goat are dressed in matching tacky sweaters they are smiling really big and posing with a ton of Capri Sun boxes for one of those cheesy 80's-style professional portraits.

SUPER: Your #1 favorite kid deserves kids' #1 favorite juice.

Kids Gone Wild (:06) -

A trio of baby goats is jumping around super joyously in the air around a stack of boxes of Capri Sun Fruit and Veggie Blends.

Mom stands in the corner looking satisfied. She turns and speaks to camera.

MOM: You ever seen kids this excited about vegetables before?

SUPER: Capri Sun logo